Single vs double

Assalamualaikum,

In all my life, I am always be single. Never had a girlfriend before. May be because of my father successfully instill a mind set not to engage in any relationship while studying. Or may be just fail to find anyone compatible.

Here, I am trying to taste what is it like to be “double”. Well, didn’t end up with a relationship but I am grateful with that. It is great to be single, but sometimes I feel such a loser. But, at the same time, being “double” doesn’t make you become any better because your heart is not yours anymore, you feel how fragile you are and absolutely no focus at all. That is an absolute total loser isnt it?

Firstly I don’t agree with pre marital relationship. I am not willing to sacrifice my iman in order to fulfill my lust. Furthermore, I am not willing to spend my money, time, feelings and etc on something that I don’t know what to expect. I am willing to give commitment on something that I am sure of and I pray to ALLAH to show me the right path.

As for now, let the “cut” heals itself. May be for another two or three years. Then, I will come back with a well vaccinated heart, full of love, full of blood, full of experience and the most important thing is full of IMAN.

I think it is very difficult not to involved too much if I fall in love. But, I will do my best to refrain myself. I must prioritize my love towards ALLAH first. I hate to see myself thinking about something else more that ALLAH. I hate myself when I satisfy my lust. I hate to see myself and other people who know ALLAH is their GOD, but neglect their duties.