End of time...... in Dublin.

Assalamua'laikum and hi,

Aahh......My time here is coming fast to an end. I'd just like to express the things I will miss, the things I look forward to in Penang and a bit of outlook into the future based on the past and present. Here they are:

What I will miss:

1. My friends and football accomplices here especially my partner in defense and in this blog; Muhaimin.
2. The four seasons especially autumn and winter coz they're not there in Malaysia.
3. Watching and cheering away for Chelsea and/or against Manchester United.
4. Pak Usop's Briyani rice,especially in Ramadhan.
5. Beaumont Hospital.
6. Eid festivities in Dublin.
7. A certain someone in Trinity College.
8. The nice and wonderful tutors + lecturers who have taught me a lot.
9. Peeking at the lovely and cute Sin*** Cr***n in between classes. Hihihi :p

Thank you to all the people who has made my life so wonderful for the past 3 years.

Things I look forward to in Penang:

1. Gaining a whole lot more of clinical experience with real patients. The regulation in Malaysia isn't that tight.
2. Food, food and food everywhere.
3. Being close to my family.
4. Playing futsal or football in Malaysian weather.

The future outlook:

I had a conversation with my Mom about 3 days ago. I told her about the disappearing act that I dreamed of ever since I came to Ireland. I told her that I wish I could go to a place where nobody has met me or knows me and start all over again. I know how difficult it is for someone to do this. In the conversation, I told mom I wanted to take the USMLE after I graduate and practice medicine somewhere else. The remote provinces of Saskatchewan in Canada or places like Waitarange in New Zealand seems like good places. I bet nobody has met me or even knows me there. I don't mind treating Red Indians or Kiwis. My mom was quiet. She finally said that this was all up to me because she could no longer dictate what I should be doing as I'm already 22. I could sense her sadness. This choice came up on my head because of the experience I've had before I arrived in Ireland. Even before that, throughout highschool I was never really happy. People used to called me Kong. It's not a nickname I really liked but I had to bear with it for 5 years. The experience after high school in a certain college was even worse. When I look back at all the pictures I took there, there were only a few pictures where I could find my self smiling. In all those pictures where I smiled, it seems Fauzi or Asrih was always there. Thank you to them. I could have ended up in a mental institution if they weren't there, seriously. Take a look at my facebook and compare the pictures of me in that college and in Ireland. That should be enough.

When I stepped back and tried to look at all this in a bigger picture, I ended up throwing away a lot of the values which I held before I came to Ireland. The main reason is the bad experience and treatment that I received from my own countrymen (schoolmates, some teachers, public officers and etc in Malaysia) compared to the wonderful experience and treatment that I've had in Ireland. It's not just there in the college (because MARA pays a lot to them) but even if I was just walking down O'Connell street after a busy day at Beaumont Hospital, smiles and kind gestures from drivers, pedestrians and shopkeepers never seems short. One shopkeeper who I'll always remember is the girl from the 2 Euro shop in O'Connell. She always smile at everyone. I go there weekly for my chocolate supplies. All these were non-existent in Malaysia. Due to the stark contrast of happiness in my country and in Ireland, that dream of disappearing appeared in my mind. I am no longer as patriotic as I was before and I am no longer proud of my Malay culture, not to mention the shitty Malaysian politics back home. My childhood dream of becoming a fighter pilot to defend my country is no longer there. The only value left intact is my faith in Allah and His messengers.

The disappearing act which I've described is all but a dream before and now. It's only a couple years before I graduate and when that time comes, I'll make a decision. Even if I were to disappear, I would still pay back my scholarship to MARA from abroad. It's not right for me to just leave in debt but what's really going to happen in the future, only God knows. Wallahuaa'lam.